by Bob Tard bobtard@aol.com and various members of alt.tv.homicide

Thanks to:
Chris Leininger cleinin@u.washington.edu
Jason Lempka jlempk1@umbc.edu
Michaela Schlocker schlock@leland.stanford.edu
Tinita M. Wheaton TMWHEATO@cas.syr.edu

Special Guest Thanks to:
Alan Sepinwall sepinwal@mail.sas.upenn.edu

THE RULES

Every person assumes the identity of one of the regular characters on the show. Choose the beverage -- alcoholic or otherwise -- of your choice. Every time your character performs one of the following acts, you or your fellow characters must drink your beverage according to the guidelines laid out here.

FRANK PEMBLETON

• Frank overenunciates while interrogating a suspect -- one drink
• Franks wears his hat -- two drinks
• Frank pauses for two seconds or more while delivering a line -- two drinks
• Frank raises his voice -- one drink
• Frank cries -- chug, group hug, and then everyone says in unison "If that man doesn't get an Emmy..."
• Frank talks about the Jesuits -- two drinks
• Frank gives a reason for not going to church -- two drinks
• Frank lights a cigarette with loving care -- one shot
• Frank talks about God -- one drink
• Frank mentions Olivia -- one drink
• Frank is belittled for smoking -- one drink
• Frank is shown wearing suspenders -- one drink
• Frank is shown wearing suspenders and a belt -- chug
• Suspect tries to make Frank angry with racial epithets -- one drink
• Frank actively responds to racial epithets -- chug

TIM BAYLISS

• Bayliss disagrees with Frank -- one drink
• Bayliss agrees with Frank -- chug
• Bayliss talks to anyone besides Frank while Frank isn't around -- chug until he talks to Frank again
• Bayliss complains about his back -- one shot
• Bayliss gets dissed by a woman -- chug
• Bayliss talks about the bar -- one drink
• Someone calls Bayliss a "rookie" -- one drink
• Bayliss stands behind suspect in Box -- one drink
• Bayliss complains about his back -- a dose of Doan's, but no drink; we know better than to mix drugs and alcohol
• Bayliss tries to beg off a case -- one drink

LT. AL GIARDELLO

• Gee scowls at a detective -- one drink
• Gee scowls at a superior -- one drink
• Gee scowls at Brodie -- two drinks
• Gee scowls while watching an interrogation in the box -- chug until interrogation is over.
• Gee says "Get to the bottom of this" -- drink until you get to the bottom of your glass.
• Gee speaks in Italian -- one drink for every word you or anyone else remotely understands.
• Gee wears his reading glasses -- one drink
• Gee changes his haircut from the last episode -- two drinks
• Gee mentions one of his kids -- 1 drink; Mentions all 3 kids -- three drinks
• You can understand the first time what Gee says -- one drink
• Gee turns over desk -- one drink
• Gee hits something -- chug
• Gee takes out physical aggression on an inanimate object -- one drink and chuck the glass.
• Gee gets pissed and throws something -- one drink
• Gee mediates dispute between detectives -- one drink

MELDRICK LEWIS

• Meldrick mentions his grandmother -- one drink
• Meldrick mentions his crazy brother -- two drinks
• Meldrick mentions Crosetti -- three drinks while dressed in honor guard uniform
• Kellerman refers to Meldrick's budding "romance" with Kay -- one drink, with a slice of wedding cake
• Lewis refers to Kellerman as Mikey -- Both Mike and Meldrick take one drink
• Meldrick mentions driving -- one drink
• Meldrick drives -- chug. Chug until the experience is over
• Meldrick and Kay actually do have a romance -- chug and kiss "Kay"
• Meldrick drives badly/someone refers to his bad driving -- one drink
• Meldrick tosses football around -- one drink with Gatorade chaser
• Meldrick is partnered with someone besides Crosetti/Kellerman -- one drink
• Partner subsequently complains about Meldrick -- one drink

MIKE KELLERMAN

• Kellerman mentions his ex-wife -- one drink
• Kellerman mentions any childhood TV program or theme park -- two drinks
• Kellerman mentions smoking -- one drink while balancing a lit cigarette in the side of your mouth; drop the cigarette, and you must drink again.
• Lewis refers to Kellerman as Mikey -- both Mike and Meldrick take one drink
• Mike mentions "When I was back in arson..." -- Chug to keep the urge to smack him down.
• Kellerman/someone in a scene with Kellerman refers to the arson squad -- one drink

KAY HOWARD

• Anyone calls Kay "Sergeant" -- one drink; the character who called Kay sergeant must salute.
• Anyone refers to Kay's perfect clearance rate -- one drink for all characters EXCEPT Kay, for continued good luck.
• Kay appears with hair tied up -- one drink
• Kay appears with hair loosely flowing -- two drinks
• Kay appears with head shaved -- chug, and player must shave head too.
• Kay kisses her man -- two drinks for belief.
• Kay wears makeup -- one drink
• Kay wears a dress -- chug
• Kay pulls rank/tries to pull rank over someone -- one drink
• Kay gives Russert the brush-off -- one drink
• Kay wears the necklace Bolander gave her after they were shot -- one drink

JOHN MUNCH

• Munch is called "Munch-kin" -- one drink
• Munch takes off his glasses -- drink until your glass is clean, too.
• Munch serves a drink in the bar -- one drink
• Munch has a drink in the bar -- two drinks
• Munch passes out in the bar -- one drink; you must recite the names of Munch's three ex-wives or risk drinking twice more.
• Munch or a picture of Munch intoxicated or stoned -- 2 drinks
• Munch OPENS his eyes -- two drinks
• Munch smiles -- two drinks to be certain
• Munch makes a patently concocted comment -- one drink
• Someone sees through Munch for what he really is -- chug

MEGAN RUSSERT

• Russert refers to her daughter -- one drink
• Russert refers to her days in Vice -- one drink
• Russert refers to her days in military intelligence -- two drinks
• Russert refers to Beau -- two drinks of something that will put some hair on your chest. And neck. And back.
• Russert refers to her dead husband -- one drink
• Russert contributes to her characterization -- chug and keep going in disbelief.

CAPT. ROGER GAFFNEY

• Gaffney argues with Frank -- one drink
• Gaffney argues with Russert -- two drinks
• Gaffney argues with Barnfather -- three drinks and a Hershey's "Kiss." It will give you a head start on what you'll need to do to Barnfather's boots later.
• Gaffney shows up in uniform -- everyone else better fall in line and drink, dammit.
• Gaffney berates a detective for his/her performance -- player representing that character drinks twice, everyone else drinks once as a show of moral support against "The Brass."
• Gaffney's speech goes "right to his stomach": No one may go to the head until the good Captain is finished there.
• Gee overrides Gaffney -- one shot and everyone must stand at attention.

COLONEL BARNFATHER

• Barnfather yelling at a shift commander in their office -- one drink
• Barnfather has his hat under his arm and puts it on his head or vice-versa -- two drinks
• Barnfather calls Lt. Giardello, Gee -- one drink
• Barnfather tries to save his ass by chewing out someone lower than him -- one drink

ALL CHARACTERS

• Any character appears in a white Cavalier -- player representing that character drink once
• Any character appears in a broken down white Cavalier -- player representing that character drink until they get a tow, or finally appear at the crime scene or station house.
• Any character other than Meldrick mentions Crosetti -- player representing that character must take two drinks, yell "Long Live the Land of Lincoln" and eat a "funny little cookie."
• Any character mentions Bolander -- player representing that character must take two drinks and yell "The Big Man!"
• Any character mentions Beau Felton -- player representing that character must take two drinks and recite the names of all the Baldwin brothers; if you fail, you must drink twice more.
• Wilgis is mentioned -- One drink for each person she killed; that's 8 drinks. Player must also name at least three of her personalities or take three more drinks.
• One drink for a player if a name either goes up or is changed to black on the board.
• Any character serves or takes a drink -- one drink
• A character talks to the press -- one drink
• A character talks to the press and says "no comment" -- two drinks
• A character swears at the press -- one drink per obscenity
• A character types up a report -- one drink
• A character types up a report using the hunt-and-peck method -- twelve sips, with ample pauses in between
• Characters hang around on the roof -- one drink for each character there

OTHER SCENARIOS

• Adena Watson is mentioned -- 30 seconds of silence; any talking, laughing or drinking is severely punished with a head butt administered by each of the other players.
• Any character in a "triple take" -- the player(s) representing those characters must take three drinks
• QRT team is called in -- one drink
• Gratuitous celebrity cameo -- chug until celebrity leaves
• The reverb sound effect is used -- one drink
• The triple-take jump cut is used ("No honor guard" -- "no honor guard" -- "no honor guard") -- three drinks, one per repetition
• The triple-take jump cut is used in a 4th season episode or later -- chug
• Someone watching the show/someone on the show comments on camera work -- chug, until movement of room matches movement of camera
• Popular song used -- everyone except first person to identify song drinks

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